Blue Eyes and Xylophones
by abracadabra94
Summary: "This was all Sam's fault. Sam and her stupid, beautiful voice. She was the reason I was so confused and angry." Seddie one-shot. Based on the song Gray or Blue by Jaymay. Not EXACTLY a song-fic. It WILL make sense even if you don't know the song.


**Hey people! Dan Schneider here! Just kidding! If I were Dan I probably wouldn't be writing fanfiction stories for my own show. Then again, I've never been Dan, so I can't really say for sure how he spends his free time.**

**Oh, and how great was iSam's Mom? Not much Seddie, but great nonetheless. And did anyone else notice Sam spanking Freddie in the new title sequence? Hehe, I can't wait to see how THAT happened. ;) **

**ANYWAYS, this is a little Seddie one-shot, inspired by the song Gray or Blue by the ever-amazing Jaymay. If you haven't heard this song (which you probably haven't, as I'm pretty much the only person I know who listens to Jaymay), then you REALLY should listen to it. This fic will still make sense if you don't listen to it, but it's still a great song and I highly recommend you check it out before (or after, doesn't really matter) you read.**

**So this story was a little difficult for me to write for some reason. I don't think it's really my best work, but I hope it's not too bad, and I hope you'll review and tell me what you thought anyway. Flames are acceptable, as long as they have to do with the STORY. No personal attacks is all I ask. Personally, I think it would be better as a Seddie video, but alas, I do not have the patience or the understanding to do that. I don't even have a youtube account. So if any of you want to make this into a video, please do so and tell me about it. I'd love to watch it. :)**

**I have some more ideas for stories, so expect to see some more soon! I think I'm going to stick to one-shots for a little while, since I just finished iFound Out The Truth About My Dad and I'm not ready to start any big projects yet, but I do have another multi-chapter in mind. If you want to know what I'm up to, or if you have any ideas for stories and you want me to write, please feel free to PM me and I'll answer back ASAP. Now, on with the show!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned iCarly, Nathan Kress would be the one always taking his shirt off, not Gibby. **

**Freddie's POV**

Helpless.

That's the only way that could describe how I was feeling as I played the melancholy instrument and listened to its _plink-plink-plinks_ mingle with those of the raindrops splattering on the window outside the studio.

I was completely and totally helpless.

And what did I have to comfort me? Not the old acoustic guitar with which I usually expressed my feelings-it was now lying completely smashed in the corner-but an old toy xylophone I found abandoned in a closet. That's right, I was taking out my all my anger, frustration, and confusion out on a small wooden childs' toy.

I sighed and put down the mallets. This wasn't working. Music had always been my escape, but I didn't even really know how to play the xylophone, much less relieve my stress though it. The happy _plink _that echoed from it every time the mallet met a key seemed to be the instrument's way of mocking me, and was only making me angrier.

I stared out the window at the rain splattering on the glass. It was dark outside, even for it being a rainstorm. I checked my watch. It was almost 11:00 pm. Wow, I had really been up here that long? I came here right after dinner. I knew I should really get home, but then again my mom was working the late shift at the hospital and wouldn't be back until 4:00 am. And I really didn't feel like going anywhere anyways. I picked up the mallets again and hit them against the keys half-heartedly.

This was all Sam's fault. Sam and her stupid, beautiful voice. She was the reason I was so confused and angry. Maybe I should start from the beginning. It all started about a week ago. I was in the iCarly studio, just like I was now. I had thought I was alone…

_Flashback_

_It'd been a rough day at school. I'd gotten a C on my French test (only because Sam had stolen my book from me when I was trying to study for it) and I had tripped in the cafeteria at lunch, spilling pudding all over myself…and Mr. Howard…who just happens to be allergic to pudding. Needless to say he wasn't too thrilled, and I ended up with a detention. _

_So there I was, playing my guitar to let out my feelings. No one knew I did this, or even that I could play guitar. I couldn't let my mom know. She thought guitars were dangerous. Something about how a string could pop and gouge my eye out. I think she even had a rhyme for it. Anyway, that's why I always hid my guitar at Carly's apartment and came up to the studio when I wanted to play it. This was where I had actually taught myself to play the guitar two years ago, and since then I had actually gotten pretty good at it. I was busy playing some song by a musician with a weird name. Jaymay I think? Sam had made me listen to it a few days ago. I thought it was really weird at the time, but I guess it had kind of grown on me. _

_Suddenly, an amazing voice joined my strumming. I looked over my shoulder to see Sam singing the song. I had no idea Sam could even sing, much less sing like THAT. She was incredible. She moved herself to sit in the beanbag that was on the floor next to my chair. I kept playing, but my eyes were on her the whole time. I had never noticed what amazing eyes she had before. Then again, I rarely got close enough to tell. I guess I had always thought her eyes were just a normal gray, but now that I was this close…were they blue? I had the feeling that if I could just get a little closer I could tell…_

_I guess she finally realized we were staring at each other, because she suddenly looked away from me and stopped singing, right in the middle of the song. I stopped playing and we just sat there in silence for a moment. Without thinking I got up from my seat, moved myself in front of her, and took her chin in my hand. My intention was to just look at her; to look into her incredible gray or blue eyes that had me so mesmerized a moment ago. I never got the chance to see her eyes though, because as soon as I turned her head to face me something came over me and I closed my eyes tight and kissed her. _

_To my surprise, she kissed me back. To my even bigger surprise, after only a few seconds she pushed me away violently and I landed right on top of my guitar, smashing it to bits. Without a word Sam got up and left the studio. She hadn't spoken to me since that night._

**Sam's POV**

As I lay on my bed, staring up at the dirty off-white ceiling above me, I couldn't help but think about Freddie again. It had been a week since I spoke to him last; since he had kissed me; since I had pushed him away. I don't know why I even let him kiss me in the first place. It was clear he was only doing that because he was caught up in the moment with my singing. I had been told I had a pretty voice before. I guess Freddie must've thought so too. But in the end I know he didn't really like me. I knew he would always love Carly. My voice was just…bacon. Yep, that was it; just fancy foreign bacon.

Besides that, if it wasn't clear then that he didn't really like me, it was soon after. I could tell just by the way I saw him wear that sweatshirt (yes, the one Carly had given him last Christmas) with the hood pulled over his head. He was obviously trying to avoid any eye-contact from the side, namely eye-contact with me. But even if I couldn't see his eyes when he wasn't facing straight towards me (which he hadn't been doing lately) I could unfortunately still see his lips. And every time I saw them I tried my best not to wonder if they still tasted like coffee.

I heard something vibrating on my desk and quickly snapped out of my thoughts. I looked at my phone.

_**1 new text message! **_

_**From Jonah**_

_**Sent March 23 at 5:12 pm**_

I looked over at my clock. 11:04 pm. Stupid phone. **(A/N: Shout out to my old phone, which would always vibrate to tell me about a text or voice mail that it should've told me about hours or even DAYS before. Haha.)**

I opened the message to see what the slime ball wanted.

**hey babe its me jonah. r we stll goin 2 the movies frday nite?**

I sighed. Against my better judgment I had gotten back together with that slime ball Jonah earlier that day. He promised he wouldn't cheat on me again. I honestly didn't really care anymore. I didn't even want to go out with him. I was going to tell him that I'd rather chew on broken glass than ever go out with him again, but then Freddie walked by. I don't know what I was thinking, but for some reason I suddenly felt like I wanted him to know what I felt like whenever I saw him with Carly. It was a stupid thing to do, and I figured I should probably break it off with Jonah now, but I don't know, maybe it'd be nice just to have someone to talk to for a little while. I dialed his number.

"What?" said a very angry sounding Jonah after he finally picked up the phone after it rang seven times.

"Jonah, it's me, Sam."

"Oh. Hey Sam. Look, whatever it is can it wait? I'm exhausted. I was asleep."

"Oh, yeah, sure. I guess I forgot you might be. I can't sleep."

"That sucks. I'll talk to you later babe. Bye."

"Okay, b-" I head the dialtone. The sad part was Jonah really was trying his hardest (well, as hard as he was willing to try) to win me over. It was going to take some time before I trusted him again though. Wait, what am I saying? I'm not _going _to trust him again. I don't even want to be around him. He was completely thoughtless. He didn't even ask why I couldn't sleep. I picked up the phone again.

"God dammit Sam, I thought you were going to leave me alone now and let me sleep," said Jonah's voice through the receiver.

"I will in just a second. I just wanted to let you know I hate you and you can take your stupid promises of doing better and stick them up your…"

"Woah, woah. Sorry. I didn't mean it."

"And I didn't mean to say yes when you asked me out. I only said that because…well never mind why I said it. All you need to know is it was a mistake and I will NEVER date a loser like you again."

"Well fine! If that's the way you want it you bi-"

I snapped the phone shut, cutting off Jonah's voice. It felt kind of good…for about ten seconds. But even telling off a jerk like Jonah couldn't get me to stop thinking about Freddie. You know, Freddie would've never treated me like that if I had woken him up. I knew because I had before. Lately, when it was late at night and I couldn't sleep because of some worry that I wouldn't dare admit to anyone, like the way my mom's new boyfriend wouldn't stop staring at me or how Melanie had gotten yet another award for SOMETHING, I would call up Freddie. Even if he was in a dead sleep, he would wake up and talk to me. He tried to ask me what was wrong the first time it happened, but when I said I didn't want to talk about it he understood and didn't push me. He just stayed on the phone with me for hours and hours and talked about everything else except for whatever was making me upset. I came to know a lot about Freddie, and he came to know a lot about me. I knew all of his favorite and least favorite things about life, and he knew more about me than I would let anyone else know, even if I didn't always tell him what was bothering me. I came to know Freddie very well through these phone calls, and it even transferred over to when we saw each other in person. I knew almost everything about him actually, from the way he walked to the shape of his mouth. I would never admit it, but I WANTED to know everything about him. I LIKED being with him. I WANTED to be with him. But I couldn't tell him that. He would just have to tell me that himself. But then, what if I didn't do anything and just waited for him forever? If nothing else, I missed my late-night Freddie calls a lot, and I needed them now more than ever. That's when I realized, that was just it. I NEEDED Freddie.

I picked up my phone one more time but put it down before I even started to dial Freddie's familiar number. No, this couldn't be done over the phone. I had to go see Freddie. Now.

_**10 minutes later**_

_Just do it. _I told myself again as I peered into the iCarly studio. Freddie hadn't been home, and I was right when I guessed he had come here. _Just go in. Don't second-guess yourself. You CAN'T second-guess yourself. This has to be done. _

I raised my fist to the door again, but dropped it again before it ever touched the glass. I sighed and just stood there staring at him. His back was turned to me, so I couldn't see his face, but I could tell he was singing softly while playing some sort of weird instrument. What did they call those things? Xylosomethings. I wondered briefly what he was doing playing a xylowhatchamacallit, but that wasn't important now. What was important was that I talk to Freddie. I went over the speech again in my head; how I would finally tell him that I liked him; that I wanted to be with him; that I knew he didn't really love Carly…

But that's just it. He DID love Carly, and I couldn't keep lying to myself that he didn't. And so with one last look I walked out of Carly's apartment and out into the rain to start the short walk home.

**Freddie's POV**

I was still playing the xylophone when I noticed something reflected in the glass window of the studio.

Sam.

Sam was standing outside the studio, watching me. I didn't want to turn around for fear I might scare her off, so instead I just started singing along with the song I was playing, hoping maybe somehow it would encourage her to come in. Apparently it didn't because then I noticed some movement in the reflection, and when I turned around Sam was gone.

I dropped the mallets and ran out of the studio and down the stairs.

"Hey Freddie," said the brunette girl on the couch, not taking her eyes from the new episode of _Celebrities Underwater_.

"Carly!" I yelled. "Have you seen Sam?"

"Yeah, she just left. Why?"

"Do you know where she went?"

Carly finally looked up from the television and raised an eyebrow at me. "I think she said she was going home, but wh…"

She didn't even finish her sentence before I was out the door. I barely paid attention to where I was going until Lewbert started yelling at me to get out of his lobby. I just ignored him and kept running, my heart beating out of my chest. I didn't hesitate as I ran outside into the cold, rainy night.

"Sam!" I called as I blindly ran down the sidewalk. "Can you hear me? Sam!" My heart was still beating way too fast and my legs were starting to ache, but I kept running until I finally spotted a familiar purple hoodie with wild blond hair streaming out from the sides. I kept calling to her. "Sam!" But she wouldn't turn around.

I finally caught up to her and I grabbed her shoulders as I put my body in her path. "Sam," I whispered as I tried to look into her watery eyes that remained cast downward toward her muddy sneakers. I could see her pretty well thanks to the street lamp we just happened to be standing under, but I still couldn't get a good look at her eyes and I wondered again whether they were gray or blue.

She kept her arms folded across her chest and averted her gaze. "Get out of my way Fredwardo," she said and tried to push past me.

"No! Sam, I saw you at Carly's. You were going to come into the studio. Why did you leave?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Why do you care Benson? Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get out of this rain.

"Can I walk with you?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

_Because words are the only thing I have that might finally win you over, _I thought.

"Just to talk," I said. She looked a little hesitant but finally nodded her head and started walking again at a semi-quick pace with me following close behind. I opened my mouth to speak but realized I didn't know exactly what to say.

"This is pointless you know."

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"This. You chasing after me like you care about me when I know you don't."

"Sam, I do care about you." I reached for her shoulder but she shrugged my hand off.

"No. You don't. Not like you care about Carly."

"Carly?" I said. "What does she have to do with any of this?"

"Nothing except that despite the fact she doesn't love you back, you'll always love her. And I'll always just be the aggressive blonde girl you've learned to tolerate."

I couldn't believe how wrong she was. "But Sam…"

"You know, maybe it would be best if we just didn't hang out with each other anymore. Clearly we just weren't meant to be friends. I think we should go back to being nothing more than acquaintances."

"Sam that's crazy…"

"And maybe one day we'll just forget all about this stupid friendship we had, or whatever it was. We can just be strangers, like every random person you see in this city. After all, Seattle's so big, we don't have to run into each other much. This city was practically made for strangers."

"Sam! Will you shut up and just listen for once in your life?"

She stopped walking and speaking, but didn't turn around. I took a deep breath. "Sam, I wasn't kidding when I said I really do care about you. I care about you more than you know. Don't get me wrong, I care about Carly too, but…I DON'T love her."

I saw Sam's body tense up a little more. "Yeah right Freddork. Don't try to deny it. I know you'll always love her."

"But Sam," I said, a little exasperated. "I never really loved Carly. I just thought I did."

"Oh yeah? And what made you realize you didn't love her then?" Her tone of voice made it clear she still didn't believe me, and with that she started walking away again, this time a little quicker than before. I had to jog to catch up with her.

"I...I realized I never loved her when...when I really fell in love."

"Great. Who's the unlucky girl this time?"

I paused, wondering if I should say what I had wanted to say for so long. Finally I mustered all the courage I had and answered her question.

"You are, Sam."

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to look right at me with her beautiful, BLUE eyes.

"What?"

I sighed and smiled at her weakly. "I love you, Sam."

Sam didn't say a word as we stood there together in the heavy Seattle rain. Her lips had more important matters to take care of.


End file.
